December 11

Kitchen Tree Safely Home After Narrow Escape From Herbivorous Noshers

by Claudia Chapman

Published: December 11, 2009

     As of yesterday evening, a fresh cut balsam is standing proudly by the stone fireplace, in a corner of the kitchen owned by Joseph and Claudia Chapman. After a long search Chapman located the tree at a small farm on Crook Horn Road, a mere 5 miles from her primary residence. Many of the trees she looked at previously had already been looked at by local deer, and showed evidence of extensive noshing around the mid-section. This evidence was immediately apparent in the well shaped, rounded mid-sections of the local deer. The trees did not fare nearly so well as the deer.

     Chapman located the tree at approximately 1:45 PM yesterday. After a discouraging search the day before, she saw a small sign which read TREES on Route 6 and followed her instincts. She identified their tree within moments of walking out in to the field. This ID was confirmed when she said to herself "If this tree only had a birds nest, I would know for certain that it was the one." Just then, she noticed a small, wren sized nest nestled in the lower branches.

     Her husband was called in. After many admonitions by his wife NOT to break any of the upper branches, and instruction on exactly where to hold the trunk, the tree was finally secured in the vehicle and bound for home. The farmer came over and took Chapman aside. "You had better appreciate that tree" he cautioned "She took a REALLY LONG time picking it out".

     More cussing took place later that evening when the allergic Mrs. Chapman insisted that they give the tree a shower to remove as much mold as possible before raising it in the kitchen. Once the tree was raised and the mess cleared up, it was clear that a miraculous transformation had taken place. The Chapman residence, a mundane dwelling only hours before, had been filled with magic.